Since 1988, October has been Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month – I never really gave it much thought, both the getting pregnant and full pregnancy with Maggie had gone as smoothly as we could hope (until the final weeks at least!) that I wasn’t worried. Then came spring 2015. We had decided it was about time for #2 and once again, I got pregnant. A trip to my OB confirmed things and we began the planning…will we find out the gender? how will Maggie adjust? We’ll need to clear out the office…
Soon it was time for my next check up with my OB, around 9 weeks when we should be able to hear the heartbeat for the first time. Sadly, there wasn’t one. A quick scan confirmed that the baby had stopped growing 2 weeks prior. The next few days were a blur as we had a D&C and attempted to process the news.
Unfortunately, my story is not unique, but when it first happened, it felt that way. As I shared my news with close friends and family, I quickly realized how common it can be, though not often talked about. I’m sharing this now, having had plenty of time to grieve and having made it through my subsequent pregnancy, to let others know – you’re not alone. It’s a horrible thing to experience, but there’s light on the other side.
So while there will always be some amount of “what if’s”, looking at Graeme now, I can’t imagine life without him. I do believe that some things happen for a reason, and luckily, I have two beautiful, healthy kids to remember that rainbows only come after the rain.